Needed release...and words I cannot un-write

I have been at myself since Sunday evening (today being Tuesday) to have a listen to Celtic Woman's "The Voice". I had a talk with my best friend, and before I could even explain the compulsion to find this song, he gave the answer I myself was unable to give name to...
I was missing home...
I was missing home...and in agreeing I also added, for it felt I needed to ..."I was missing"...
A lightning bolt was sent searing a hot trail into my brain and shooting into my heart.
I have not been home in over a month, not slept in my own bed, carved lovingly by the hands of my grandfather, not been in my room, the layout decided on and implemented by me to reflect my tastes, my personality, me...I had not gazed at nor updated my arts wall, no new posters adorning my space...I have not sat, ravenous at my aunt's table for Sunday dinner, leaving feeling for all the world like my stomach was stretched to thrice its mass...and then I thought of my aunts, of my family...and I wept, a silent storm of bitter tears in the stillness of night, as the space I held, adjacent yet separated by leagues as you lay thinking me asleep and go about your activity, forfeiting yourself good rest, and by doing so me of the same. I miss moments when the cold of the bed surrounding me was an absence I was accustomed to, when my bed was shared by my Grams on visits and bad days, and by my sister when her mask of invulnerability disappeared before the waxing of the moon; before life became complicated and I hung by my collar, servant to love.
And it is that love that tempers the bile of loss. On good days I accept all; I see where I am happy and make happy, where moments pass of such unbridled bliss...but days like today, a low day, a day when it feels like I need that assurance I'm not a hamster on a treadmill going nowhere, when I need that word, that hug, that gesture...It is, like in others, absent...And it is absent because of my silence, yet my words don't and never have banished it...I am with you to be happy, I am not happy unless you are happy, you are not happy because of instability, I am on this wheel to combat that which would usurp your stability... I only ask that I be made aware I am remembered. Thoughts are unseen, and welcome, but not enough...

"Lonely" by Frozen Stardust

and still, come morrow, I greet the day and smile, and hope that today I am moored to land, not bobbing out to sea so close to harbour...please...