In Anger I reflect...

"Before you act, listen..before u react, think...before you quit, try..."
-Ernest Hemingway

I try to often follow these words...but today I just cannot get past the fact that this man was a coward who took suicide as the way out...I want to kill the messenger...yet damn, look at that, he did it himself!

Some days I just wish I could boldly write this and Disappear...

Thats right, another.....Random Fact!!!

Between 1912 and 1948, art competitions were a part of the Olympics. Medals were awarded for architecture, music, painting and sculpture

Thursday's child has far to go...

"...Monday's child is fair of face

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on Sunday

Is bonny and blithe and good and gay..."

The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes

...Today I woke up to the distinct inkling that I had taken two steps back from the place I had been even the afternoon before... and it feels a bit worse knowing in the balance so as noone sees me to be worried I sequester myself, an even further cause of distress as it slowly eats away at the name I have created for myself with regard to my reliability to "be there"...even in seclusion I find I cannot be there for me...the ground gives way to nothingness, and I see air beneath me

Find the Balance you have been missing...

today's thought

embittered musing...

There is a burning constant confusion within me as it relates to what way one travels from wanting to be and aiming to be and actually...being... I have always been the straight-laced hard worker, almost nothing comes naturally; I work hard to fit norms and mores set before me...yet I always seem to fall short...and I cant understand why...is it me my approach? my face? mind? looks or lack thereof? ...I oft feel so lost...

Here goes...*bites fingernails, taps feet, fidgets*

So, sitting here trying not to totally panic at having shared that bit of myself...yea, kinda difficult actually, but I suppose I shall have to suck up those feelings and work past them...I MIGHT...(but dont look forward to it) do this again at some point (post vids of myself and artistic endeavours)...til the be content with my mind's spewings? thanks for taking the trip with me...lets hope it ends well

Beautiful...

A Play on Vindus and Dhusnos (light and dark - and no thats not chinese its hindi...yea, weird why not just say yin and yang...but its me)....Beijing Dance Theatre Company

Vulnerability is personified in this post

I was cornered into a solo when visiting a church which may become the base of my musical ensemble should i be bold and confident enough to see it through,,,I was unprepared just said what came to mouth (definitely not my mind)and VERY nervous...here goes everything

Shakira - Did it Again

I own no rights to this video, and display it here for sake of interest...

I have been a follower of Shakira for years, and this..THIS is one of the HOTTTest music videos i've seen, not just in passion, but in movement...the overt sexual charge just comes at you...and doesnt stop, its just...wondrous...the bed scenes...*cue angelic music* I am just totally in awe of this...would LOVE to take part if anything like this being undertaken close to me...

"Breathe in, and see the World absorbed into your being..."

I am on a quest...

to gain "me"

to move further

to see farther

to love "me"

to appreciate what i create

to value my opinions and output

to be more than a face in a sea, while keeping that touch

to keep my modesty without being self effacing

to refuse to implode when things I cant control burn through my calm and resolve...

and so it continues...

Psalm 70:1...a bittersweet plea...

Make haste O God and deliver me...save my soul

A tribute to Nude Art- John Coulthart and a Bonus

Some tasteful art By Mr C...I refer to him here as such...I present: Straddling (one in tile) and Fallen Angel...the other image here is Russian Artist Dmitry Dmitriev's The Silver Hero.

Words of wisdom from St Augustine

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible. ~ Anonymous

I present two very disparaging Outlooks on hope...both of which are housed within me simultaneously...unbelievably not striving for dominance for the first in a while

"There is power in choice, and there is simplicity in rejection..."

strange this fortune cookie should find me, especially when I never even intended to nor indeed saw myself going to any place which offered these...

Random and overly person gab...

I cried today...

saline drops fell beneath my half closed lids and ran parallel courses down my toughened desert-dry cheeks, and set the channels that their many followers would take...and I did not dry them...I sat feeling the crushing weight of yet another year of a 'rigged' existential day to day meanderings, and I felt a constriction I had before not felt for several moons...

yet I got up and "ploughed on"... I take the blows of fate and walk on, buffeted back and sometimes, as I was in the predawn morning, so knocked as to be dazed and bent double at the waist, gripping at sides I scream...a protracted and unearthly thing, it demanded expression beyond my voice and lungs could stand, as after several excalmations (not a typo, im coining that word - the release or loss of calm from pressure or depression)I submerged myself, and proceeded to let fly my wail...and I emerge from my enclosure voiceless and still not yet fully released...metaphorical pen to paper, I wrote my scream out...and music came, release which after my ordeal had passed remains as monument to having faced it...a monument, as my tears were, to my weakness, and to my failure to "keep it inward"...and I shook my head at my idiocy... moments of weakness doesnt make one strong, but refusal to work through emotioncan bring the mightiest to their knees...I may just be "Rationalising" but hey...the mind does what it thinks is best in that moment to preserve itself when faced with trauma.....

In a sentimental mood...

today, felt the urge to Jazz up my morning, so I got some Diana Krall, Mark Murphy, Nat King Cole and the Dukeand I lay back and allowed myself to be transported...

Devil may care, popsicle toes( fierce blush), my favourite things, I just decided today was a high day...if not in actuality, in music