why cant I stop myself smiling when u appear, the way my gloom becomes a little more bearable knowing that u're close, that buffeted or not i'll be ok...what does one do when one willfully steps outside of safe harbour? find out if one can brave the waves...
- the Glacially frigid expanses of loneliness
- tropical seas of welcome and acceptance
- lukewarm currents of unsurity
- trenches of terrifying depression
and the many navigable, and not yet navigable but for our route necessary areas in need of exploration...I NEED to know...
I NEED to be absolutely sure that I am here because I can appreciate, understand and accept being here, I NEED that happiness I feel with your company to not be the only time I sense that joy, I NEED to find joy in the vacuum of my own company...I NEED to know that I can find such joy, that I am not a louse who will cling uselessly and cloyingly, or worse, that I am incapable of feeling it without it being by proxy...because its one of my deepest fears...I explore these seas so rarely lately because I do not wish to give vindication to this fear...
I NEED to ensure all of this
that i'm in ship shape and oceanworthy
because
I want to be someone's safe harbour...and if you cast away that role forever, even if noone in future aweighs here...I need to know that it was not that I was of weak construction or that I proved unstable
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