Pensive partakings

As I lay ruminating on days past, and on moments yet to be I find myself...adrift.
your face is in sharp detail, remastered with each recollection; midnight skin, eyes of dark chocolate, open and inviting, and hair...so much hair, coiffed and flawless or in sweat soaked clumps, shading an eternally patient, slightly dimpled grin. I remember so much of you that you have become almost mythic canon. no one can compare to you; and I would want no one to. I lay here and remember my paler self in infancy, how it must have been answering me when the questions were ridiculous, then totally impossible. I wish I could recall how you answered why I looked like daddy and you were not the same colour; or even what it was like when you came home from your last Carnival before you retired your youth to be our 'mommy'.
I remember well your fear, I shared in it, and was dimly aware I was a cause for some of it (I was quiet and bookish, lulling you into a false security I shattered when I'd go missing and reappear on top of some precarious vantage point). it is like recalling sepia memories through my eyes where you stand in luminous technicolor. I am told you are always watching and would be proud. I need the latter more than platitudes of your lingering presence. your approval and love are sustaining concepts for me on many days; often its all I can do to buoy myself with it. I fall short of my own affection almost daily, it is comforting to know your love proves to stem from one of the very few unwavering sources in my life.
For My Mother; though I have inherited your blood, may I prove to have gleaned some of your strength.

A little nostalgia

He sits by the window, and stares out onto the sweeping lawns, his house an island in the lush and perfectly manicured expanse of green, waves of crimson and pink breaking at the front and back porches. in his hand he fingers a ring absently. it is an intricately decorated ring, a golden band on which is overlaid a silver rose, its leaves diamonds encrusted within the gold band. A tear falls as he remembers the small of fresh pudding, the air thick with the scent of baking, and the atmosphere full of the warmth that had nothing to do with the oven and all to do with the love so tangible as to incite pinpricks of Goosebumps and stir a contented excitement to overcome anyone within the house's confines...

A [not so] Random Excursion...

Today was an awesomely spontaneous day. at home somewhat bored.out.of.my.wits, I got up to answer "the call."

No, it wasn't the call of nature...per se...

Was an invitation to visit a friend's mother on her birthday, to brighten her holidays with company. It seems the trip was what all involved had needed, as a grand time was had by all, picking coconuts, cooking food prepared over an open fire (I LOVE spicy food, and mama Donna did NOT disappoint), splashing around, swimming and exploring the river in the backyard (the district of Deeside, St Catherine, Jamaica).

at the moment I had seen the embrace of mother and son, a pang of jealousy that I've come to be aware of but never able to banish or ignore flared up...and I remember I would never have that moment, that I was a bit of an intruder upon this family, a rare moment the voyeur on the other side of the glass could get up close... and I did my trademark, a smile a joke and a casual sidestep and was about to walk away when....she hugged me as well. bafflingly, she hugged us all, and in the brief embrace I felt a warmth I feel solely from the protective hug of the nurturing women in my life, as well as something more...undefinable but wonderful...*shrug* love of a mother? Guess that's due for more over-analysis as is my wont

 moving on, *awkward chuckle*I discovered I had not completely lost my ability to swim unceasingly in unknown waters, and in the process found the challenge of swimming against current was exhilarating, planting the seed of longing for my once constant trips to the pool. twas a great day all in all, and interestingly I discovered that a lot of my love for water is steeped in a fear and awe of its power. humbled as I waded through the cool stream, feeling the moss and silt and stones caress my soles, I felt an eerie peace...
I missed my other close friends terribly, and I had wanted to share the day with them, but It was not to've been...Maybe/hopefully next time...