cycle, circle, closed.

"You see dat ting you do? you gwine have to stop it and LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD ... from you little mi a tell you say people a people, and dem not always ready like you fi 'see full picture' - sometimes dem nuh even ready fi more dan one line at a time... and you always know when enuh, you always know when, but you just stubborn. anyway, as usual mi bet yuh tiyad now an' ready fi finally listen. clear out and go again. an' dis time, don't call me when is prayer time (the only woman I know who from 4 am to 7 is prayer time) to ask what you already know. mi love you. take care a yuhself, and God have it - even when yuh nuh feel it."

My Grandmother has a pertinent and present voice in my head, and almost none of our talks are new - for some reason I keep heading to the same spiral.

...maybe the book everyone claims to want to live by is secondary to the egos everyone wants to nurture and I'm behind on truly believing that. well, this rubber duck has left the gyre

Saying Goodbye to 2013...

So here, I sit at my desk at work, dimly aware of life around me (groggy as I am from lack of sleep) and I pause...I am at my desk...on the last day of the year 2013. its over. another year: an eventful, interesting, depressing, joyous, life changing, painful, beautiful year is at its close...I'm awed...as I go through captured moments, a lot come to mind, and many un - captured...but lets attempt a quick photoreview...

FrenchMan's Cove, January 2013

I had the pleasure of beginning the year with fellowship, as some of my closest friends all piled up into a car and we were off, to one of the most pristine beaches on our little Isle of Jamaica...it was lovely, and the memory of that day warms me.

Tenors of JYC (Not pictured: D. Hamilton, P. Dawes and D. Bailey)

Had the first official photo-shoot and concert Season of the Jamaica Youth Chorale, here I am with my fellow tenors. I Love these guys like family, and I am heartened to know they feel the same 

Diocesan Festival Choir Beach Trip (James Bond Beach)

My sister paid me a visit for the summer. It was glorious having her back with me, and sharing the life I had carved for myself in Jamaica with her. Here we are on a choir beach trip, and about to attend a street session with my/our father (lol), and, as usual, It became like we were kids again lyming and skipping, sighting, water war...I miss her much, and as I may not see her for another 2 years, this vacation was immensely memorable

The real glue that keeps this Trio running 

Post performance, Music in the Hills, the Ambrosian Ensemble

I was a Part of an octet for a concert recital of Operatic Choruses and Quartets, Broadway standards and Sacred works...I sang In German, Latin and Italian...Loved every second of the experience, and I hope I am called upon again to sing with these awesomely talented people

My most emotionally charged role to date, I was a dance soloist to spoken word at the year's "Gungo Walk" and "Tallawah" arts festivals. I played Dwayne Jones, A young Gender non-conforming boy who had got beaten to death by a mob of intolerant Jamaicans. I was scared, I was saddened...and I cried. It will be a role and piece that remains with me forever, and I am glad I could do something in tribute to a life cut too short 

Kinesio taped and ordered a month of no activity

 THIS WAS HARD...while dancing, I got a sprained back and slightly dislocated a vertebra, and jarred them. I got my first immensely debilitating injury since mountain- biking as a kid (I biked off a cliff and landed right into a concussion, lol), and it was very eye opening... it hurt...deeply, as it made me aware of just.how.dangerous.dance. is. It was and is a task acclimatising to this weakness, and I hope as I learn to live with it (the effects are somewhat permanent) and to regain strength, I will keep the lesson of safety and moderation forefront in mind. Another effect it had was the revelation that not all is as it seems, and an olive branch can pose as hemlock and vice versa..

Here pushing through pain during a work break

Company Dance Theatre In McDaniel's Reggae piece SESSION. 

I Performed in my fourth season of dance with the Company Dance Theatre, a great task and undertaking with a career - ending injury (that demanded rest that I wasn't willing to take). while it was not a particularly happy time of it, I have grown as a performer, and tested in great discomfort as I sought not to let the experience of the audience be marred by my handicap.




While there are many more eventful photos and experiences, I chose to try and highlight those I was a bit more "comfortable" sharing...for now...
It was great having you 2013, I definitely gained strength; even at the expense of the physical, courage and no shortage of opportunities to glean wisdom. I have, lived, laughed, loved and made bonds that I hope will last a lifetime, and memories that will last until the end of all time.

this...This...THISSS!!!

DAMMIT!!! I wholly feel this!  wholly applaud this!!! Big up my friend Toni Blair who communicates exactly what we feel down here!!! Mi nah lie, I watched this and became enraged, I cried with her as well...this is right, whats going on here is utter SLACKNESS!!!!

Of solos, concerts and SOLO...me Alone

So some weekends back the Jamaica Youth Chorale had our annual flagship concert "Ancestor Voices". I had been asked to submit an arrangement of the Jamaican Spiritual "Me Alone", which tells the story of Jesus' temptation and fasting in the wilderness. I was ecstatic the director loved my arrangement (though he wasn't surprised at that, his words: "give you anything sad or dark and it must come out good"), and the rehearsals devoted to it and my hearing it were very touching moments in my life...then terror struck
"...So Carl, go ahead and try out the solo..."
*Gasps* what? uhm, can I just ...not, please? I never write with myself in mind for a solo and would not dream of singing a solo I've written let alone premièring it! I was terror and awestruck simultaneously...and went on to be the soloist in my own piece at the concert...well received rendition even if it felt like an out of body experience...a friend/group of friends conspired to record my experience (did I mention I am slowly hating the Video feature of smartphones? *shakes head*) and proceeded to regale me of the mistakes odd nuances and (few) good moments of the piece...

Weeping Mary... A we say music!!!

Here I post a Midi and score of a Vocal Work of Mine...*glee til' I realise it sounds like crap because of the programme used to do the synth voices* You can follow the music cause I sync'd it with the sound (rae fa my skills *jumps around*) [for foreigners, "Rae" is a Jamaican Ideomatic exclamation of joy, assent or suprise] Feedback much appreciated, drop me a line, lemme know what u think below :-)
SIDE NOTE:  I don't like that nasty intro while the title is going up either, but...meh

Blessings,
Carl-Anthony

I pledge, great music to tune to the heart of any patriot...

The video I upload here is something that is quite a beautiful and very much rough rehearsal video...its my Choir conductor's arrangement of I pledge my Heart Forever, solo for Soprano...It is to be performed in our season this year and I honestly CANNOT WAIT to hear the flawlessly rendered piece...just hope I don't freeze or tear up backstage when I should be changing costumes. *covers face* full credits for the video are typed below it, feel free to comment ...ENJOY !!! 

I Pledge... music Gustav Holst (I Vow to thee My Country), Lyrics Hon. V. Stafford Reid, OJ, Arranged for Soprano solo and piano by  Franklin E. Halliburton, AS sung by Marcelle Thomas, Accompanist, C. Whyte

The UWI Chorale (and what should be) my farewell concert Season

Me Photobombing the ladies of the Alto Line picture :-D

So this past weekend Saw me on stage for the University Chorale's (UWI, Mona) Concert Season 2012. One of the many performing Arts concepts I'm apparently a part of. It was, despite all the glitches, last minute complications and little things, an excellent show. I got to perform several songs I've wanted to for years, Work's When I was Sinking Down, Thomas' Peter Go Ring Dem Bells and though I would never say it, Leckberg's Alleluia. We even did Noel Dexter's Psalm 24 which has only been performed once prior to this season...

Me and Kimmy, Stage couple in all our choirs *feelin the lovements*

This was an arduous journey to the stage...and one of the very few where I was absent for more than 40% of the preparations for the show due to the demanding natures of my jobs and other performing arts concepts (hides face)...Until February I was not even sure I would be allowed to or even take part in the show until the MD (musical director), finally exasperated and convinced that I was serious in my asking if I was to be doing the show relented and said that I was in "the cast" as it were. then began the back work to catch up with the choir, which I assumed was light-years ahead of where I was as it regarded knowledge of songs for the season having staged alot of pieces and set the "high-church" music...fortunately, I wasn't as behind as I'd thought and we pulled through and gave a stellar performance

Me and one of ma Besties, ANNA...love her!

Di 3 musketeers...lol

A scene from the Jamaican Folk Suite of the show Anna on Solo *Whoot*

Thinking on my days, and the escape from an almost fitful night...

      "...To send his precious peace to my soul, to my soul..." I lay in the almost tangible darkness of my room, the confines which keep the world in check while my thoughts reach out, passing over the minutiae of my existence, and the recollections of past and gone pain and grief, glimpses of moments of bliss and interwoven through each experience the emotional band that the memory evokes: from joyous hues of gold, violet and lilac to deepest black and crimson, my mind perceives it all as it transpires as if before my eyes. It is a 3-dimensional to scale model of my world, illuminating my dark corner of the universe with splashes of radiant imagination...
      and in the wee hours of this morning, it was blood red... a dark energy that incites and excites emotions I am unused to feeling so intensely almost unprovoked...and I feel the bile of rage bite at my throat, choking the ability to see reason...frantically, I take a lungfuls of air, and the vivid colour and emotion recede, to be replaced by sadness...the deep aching sadness that seems my eternal private companion...

And I give in to the oblivion of what apathy would feel like...and feel the freedom sap the resolve from my bones. thus comforted, I free-fall into a deep, dreamless sleep...

An Afternoon out...

Today was decidedly A vacation day from my usual topsy turvy pace... the activities began with a chat with a new-found good friend(well, with the makings of Awesomeness) , followed up with a trip to the pool, where I was pleasantly surprised by the sight of three good friends. we proceeded to go watch the Jamaica Defence Force Massed bands concert at the Amphitheatre (Shell Bandstand) at the Royal Botanical Hope Gardens. The music was in many places A.HOT.Steaming.MESS but it was entertaining, what with soloists botching through crowd favourites and the refusal of the horns to play in the same key as the woodwinds, who were determined each to play decidedly above or below pitch for many of the higher notes. It was a great day to step outside of the frenetic pace. I add a short video of us in our picturesque day and a photo, taken by Andre <<the one n the video who shows his tongue a bit too often for a 20 year old (._. ) >>  in which I was so intensely focused 'pretend conducting' (*sticks out tongue* NO one is NEVER too old to pretend conduct) the band in one of the better known pieces, that I look like a complete retard...as in seriously...I was scared by my expression...

but yea...all in all a fun time was had by all.

...Eventually

This word, glorious in it's employ within my daily parlance to denote the time that I will generally take to perform any task or duty which will be of a manner that helps self...eventually...so often I put myself on the back burner with regard to the undertaking or completion of any task: I'll be fine, I can rest after, I will, eventually...Which would ideally be fine if not for the fact that with five choirs and two dance groups, three jobs and a desire to maintain my four hour a night sleep regime, "eventually" never truly comes...


"My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light"

 

-E. Millay, attr. to Roald Dahl

Me In Movement...Here it goes

Here it is... that I should make a post that showed myself in movement was a suggestion by a friend (who I summarily gave the death stare before being made to do it anyway -__-) but here it is, THE WALK THRU : modern movement and Afro-Caribbean steps. The Music is from the album The Garifuna Women's Project.  Well, here goes nothing/everything then....critique away

Of Adele and an easy Tuesday Afternoon...

As I sit, I move through music and artistes I have not listened to in a while, I came across A song I fell in love with last week, Cheryl Cole's Promise This as sung by Adele. I have no real "emotional" reason why I love the song, it really is just a slower take on what was expressed in Rollin' in the Deep, (wait...umm...maybe less than no emotional reason, lol) but  this song moves me..it is just...wow...and I dont say that often of many things...I just love this song, and to top it off the song has in its lyrics "Alouette" nursery rhyme, brilliantly poignant juxtaposing "him" as the lark being dismembered and asking to be covered before the inevitable demise... for your listening pleasure, Adele with a cover of Cheryl Cole's Promise This =)

Some post Christmas Season Nostalgia...

So The alumni of Ardenne Music Club (my alma mater) decided to, in a fit of our usual routine, to sing an old carol from the "good old days" (yes...its 90% of the time a christmas carol that we sing...there was always something about singing carols at Ardenne) Behold our Quintet rendition of "O Come O Come Emanuel" (and because I was Idle, A fanfare that popped outta my head while I was amassing the Pics to make the video.

(^_^') Hope you enjoy, and as usual, Feedback Welcome!

Of music and youth..."The Unfinished String Quartet"

When I first discovered that the wild hums and sounds I'd make while doing a chore, walking, or even reading quietly were subconscious forays into the realm of music composition, I was excited to get right into the process of notation...Here was my first attempt at electronic notation. I wrote this in grade 9 in High school, to myself saying I would write one of the shortest string quartets complete with all four movements. using a free version of Noteworthy composer. I'm embarrassed to say all I can find of this is my handwritten score of the first movement and the midis that the unregistered programme allowed me to save in... but every so often I listen and remember the fun early days of reading music theory, and sharing with my friends In Music Club, the hours of reprieve from the usual drama of adolescence...

Peaceful night...

Sitting in the afterglow...
mired in my post happenstance musings
I smile inwardly...
the glow rises from inside me
to make the duchenne* a physical manifest of my pleasure
I enjoyed my quiet evening, and look to the repeat of many to come
the calm that has its own fire
never an ember, and so easily made blazing...
Kyrie, Christe Eleison...
Mercy on my soul
for all my mind creates in the lull...
as I watch you...

(*Duchenne- genuine smile)

Another one...whoot...-__-

well, As I had promised, here is another installment of "aural assault with Carl"...Sang first two verses of the traditional Negro Folk Song (yep, R.Nathaniel Dett's classification of the melody) Pray On...this time with barely visible commentary! whoot...enjoy, comment and critique...*Antonio Banderas' voice* If you dare...


Respect,
Carl-Anthony

to the...New Year?

As I sat in wait of the approaching new year (despite already acknowledging its arrival as per my religious observance at sunset), I began to reflect on all that was: on the experiences I have had and the knowledge I have gained both of myself as well as of the world around me; on friends and the strength and frailties of human ties as well as how indestructible some bonds are and can be; the importance of being earnest (If you don't know why I chuckled as I wrote that then two words- Oscar.Wilde.); and most importantly, that I am human...VERY much human, I am not able to please everyone, and it seems that whenever I do try I please no one and end up depressing myself...so here come this year's "workable" solutions:
~I love music, everything about it (well....lets disregard that whole "aleatory" thing for a bit, lol), and I will explore further my abilities within it, as well as train myself in areas where I am sorely lacking, It is too much apart of my day and life to be relegated to a "hobby"...
~I love dancing, I cant help it, movement is truly an integral part of my existence, and I am going to fully work at enjoying this avenue of expression
~I can write...well, so I'm told (why anyone considers my rambling good writing is like beyond me, but meh), and I can say despite my opinion, I enjoy the activity and will work more on it over the coming year.

hmm...I may just eventually post more personal ones, who knows?

The aftermath...

so...My solo turned ALMOST into a hot mess...a Hot.ghetto.Mess. but I survived...the accompanist kept driving me up a wall, at points redoing bars with mistakes WHILE I'M SINGING...so I had was to just finish the piece with a quickness...I braved out the rest of the first half valiantly, then went backstage during intermission...where I proceeded to cry that I ruined my friend's piece...yup cry...like a bitch... and though I should've foreseen it, I didn't think i'd've been caught by other members of the choir...but there I was, crying when hands came from behind and hugged my shoulders...and I tried to buck up and they still came down -__-...
 But they were cool, despite not even possibly understanding my state of depression at failing. It was a lovely thing, in retrospect at least, because I surely didn't allow myself comfort last night, I just totally retreated into myself, went through second half on determined autopilot, then except for two times when I sang 'Bb' as 'A', and 'D' as 'Bb',  I pulled off my second solo fairly well, was alternating verses with another tenor for Gustav Holst's "Lullay my Liking'.
All in all, I was ecstatic to sing the Hallelujah chorus and put a close to the night's show.
I was complimented on my solos, though I must confess these I disregarded, I think because either they were trying to be nice or trying to cheer me up (ones who caught me). I proceeded then to drink and eat with the choir, after a hard concert's end... and sleep was had and oblivion joyously received

yay, Christmas vulnerability!... -__- sigh

In the midnight hours while waiting to go to on the late night ride to the other side of the island for my uncle's wedding, I lay up thinking about my looming performance at a friend's Christmas concert, and the solos I had to do, as well as taking the mantle as one of two in the line that can sing by score. I thought on the rehearsal the night before, when I ruined the run through of Quiet Sings the Dawn, A Christmas piece he had written and one of my solos. It was my first time looking at the piece, and it is an easy enough piece, and written to span literally the octave of middle C (261.625Cps) to the C the octave below (130.8013Cps). I ruined the rehearsal of it. I was so nervous I sang it an octave higher for the first two bars then, having realised my err (and the shock on his face while he conducted the piece) I sang so quietly that by verse 3 to end the song I was in effect il Muto. Gripped in a fit of self doubt which almost became hyperventilating (cant believe i'm this nervous) , and a moment of Idiocy and madness I decided to try and see if I was able to do it, and I fetched my aunt's phone to record it, determined that, sink or swim i'd do the first verse at least, and...yup...post it...I know, what a colossal idiot... but, here goes...leave tips and comments please, anything suggested to help would be welcome

oh dream how sweet....too sweet...Too Bittersweet...

And it is, that while your soul ascended on the wings of a life...a life too short,too horridly short and frayed, but nonetheless...a life lived adirably, songs were sung in your honour, words spoken in your praise...and the only solace of this is that in life you were reminded daily that you are one of the most amazing, gifted, eloquent, patient, understanding and brilliant young lady I had the highest honour of calling friend