Thinking on my days, and the escape from an almost fitful night...

      "...To send his precious peace to my soul, to my soul..." I lay in the almost tangible darkness of my room, the confines which keep the world in check while my thoughts reach out, passing over the minutiae of my existence, and the recollections of past and gone pain and grief, glimpses of moments of bliss and interwoven through each experience the emotional band that the memory evokes: from joyous hues of gold, violet and lilac to deepest black and crimson, my mind perceives it all as it transpires as if before my eyes. It is a 3-dimensional to scale model of my world, illuminating my dark corner of the universe with splashes of radiant imagination...
      and in the wee hours of this morning, it was blood red... a dark energy that incites and excites emotions I am unused to feeling so intensely almost unprovoked...and I feel the bile of rage bite at my throat, choking the ability to see reason...frantically, I take a lungfuls of air, and the vivid colour and emotion recede, to be replaced by sadness...the deep aching sadness that seems my eternal private companion...

And I give in to the oblivion of what apathy would feel like...and feel the freedom sap the resolve from my bones. thus comforted, I free-fall into a deep, dreamless sleep...

...Eventually

This word, glorious in it's employ within my daily parlance to denote the time that I will generally take to perform any task or duty which will be of a manner that helps self...eventually...so often I put myself on the back burner with regard to the undertaking or completion of any task: I'll be fine, I can rest after, I will, eventually...Which would ideally be fine if not for the fact that with five choirs and two dance groups, three jobs and a desire to maintain my four hour a night sleep regime, "eventually" never truly comes...


"My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light"

 

-E. Millay, attr. to Roald Dahl