Saying Goodbye to 2013...

So here, I sit at my desk at work, dimly aware of life around me (groggy as I am from lack of sleep) and I pause...I am at my desk...on the last day of the year 2013. its over. another year: an eventful, interesting, depressing, joyous, life changing, painful, beautiful year is at its close...I'm awed...as I go through captured moments, a lot come to mind, and many un - captured...but lets attempt a quick photoreview...

FrenchMan's Cove, January 2013

I had the pleasure of beginning the year with fellowship, as some of my closest friends all piled up into a car and we were off, to one of the most pristine beaches on our little Isle of Jamaica...it was lovely, and the memory of that day warms me.

Tenors of JYC (Not pictured: D. Hamilton, P. Dawes and D. Bailey)

Had the first official photo-shoot and concert Season of the Jamaica Youth Chorale, here I am with my fellow tenors. I Love these guys like family, and I am heartened to know they feel the same 

Diocesan Festival Choir Beach Trip (James Bond Beach)

My sister paid me a visit for the summer. It was glorious having her back with me, and sharing the life I had carved for myself in Jamaica with her. Here we are on a choir beach trip, and about to attend a street session with my/our father (lol), and, as usual, It became like we were kids again lyming and skipping, sighting, water war...I miss her much, and as I may not see her for another 2 years, this vacation was immensely memorable

The real glue that keeps this Trio running 

Post performance, Music in the Hills, the Ambrosian Ensemble

I was a Part of an octet for a concert recital of Operatic Choruses and Quartets, Broadway standards and Sacred works...I sang In German, Latin and Italian...Loved every second of the experience, and I hope I am called upon again to sing with these awesomely talented people

My most emotionally charged role to date, I was a dance soloist to spoken word at the year's "Gungo Walk" and "Tallawah" arts festivals. I played Dwayne Jones, A young Gender non-conforming boy who had got beaten to death by a mob of intolerant Jamaicans. I was scared, I was saddened...and I cried. It will be a role and piece that remains with me forever, and I am glad I could do something in tribute to a life cut too short 

Kinesio taped and ordered a month of no activity

 THIS WAS HARD...while dancing, I got a sprained back and slightly dislocated a vertebra, and jarred them. I got my first immensely debilitating injury since mountain- biking as a kid (I biked off a cliff and landed right into a concussion, lol), and it was very eye opening... it hurt...deeply, as it made me aware of just.how.dangerous.dance. is. It was and is a task acclimatising to this weakness, and I hope as I learn to live with it (the effects are somewhat permanent) and to regain strength, I will keep the lesson of safety and moderation forefront in mind. Another effect it had was the revelation that not all is as it seems, and an olive branch can pose as hemlock and vice versa..

Here pushing through pain during a work break

Company Dance Theatre In McDaniel's Reggae piece SESSION. 

I Performed in my fourth season of dance with the Company Dance Theatre, a great task and undertaking with a career - ending injury (that demanded rest that I wasn't willing to take). while it was not a particularly happy time of it, I have grown as a performer, and tested in great discomfort as I sought not to let the experience of the audience be marred by my handicap.




While there are many more eventful photos and experiences, I chose to try and highlight those I was a bit more "comfortable" sharing...for now...
It was great having you 2013, I definitely gained strength; even at the expense of the physical, courage and no shortage of opportunities to glean wisdom. I have, lived, laughed, loved and made bonds that I hope will last a lifetime, and memories that will last until the end of all time.

An Old poem fast returning to prominence in my life

I Am

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky. 

John Clare          

...and with No one to say "weep not, child" but the urge of disillusionment for constant company...

Ever just feel like your life took a turn and you've become a textbook example of nihilism? I've found that mine seems to take that turn a little more than every so often...usually carving a deep swathe into my happiness, leaving almost no joy in its wake. I cryptically told my aunt of a major problem that always sends me spiralling into deep depression whenever it comes up; she looked at me and said (translated to English) "You have yet to make the connection  between being nice and caring and taking the persons weight on your own shoulders, whether or not you think it is your fault, you in reality help no one when you yourself respond to it the way you do...look at you at nights sighing into pillow and looking like when  your mother just died, you cant keep doing this to yourself...its not healthy, and it is upsetting." and yet I retreat to same form..I cant deal, I have tried very hard to make amends, tried very hard to not further be a cause of pain or discomfiture to anyone and yet I keep finding myself here...keep finding myself...here...why do I keep going back to this place? why...I am so tired...so very tired...some days I do not even want to move, and this is after more than eight hours of sleep, as opposed to my usual four, after which I would usually be sprightly and awake...I often contemplate the world sans my existence...and in my estimation, if they can survive without my sainted mother...why then would they need me? me the source of pain and a monument to bad memories...

I feel like all I push most times is "down"

An Afternoon out...

Today was decidedly A vacation day from my usual topsy turvy pace... the activities began with a chat with a new-found good friend(well, with the makings of Awesomeness) , followed up with a trip to the pool, where I was pleasantly surprised by the sight of three good friends. we proceeded to go watch the Jamaica Defence Force Massed bands concert at the Amphitheatre (Shell Bandstand) at the Royal Botanical Hope Gardens. The music was in many places A.HOT.Steaming.MESS but it was entertaining, what with soloists botching through crowd favourites and the refusal of the horns to play in the same key as the woodwinds, who were determined each to play decidedly above or below pitch for many of the higher notes. It was a great day to step outside of the frenetic pace. I add a short video of us in our picturesque day and a photo, taken by Andre <<the one n the video who shows his tongue a bit too often for a 20 year old (._. ) >>  in which I was so intensely focused 'pretend conducting' (*sticks out tongue* NO one is NEVER too old to pretend conduct) the band in one of the better known pieces, that I look like a complete retard...as in seriously...I was scared by my expression...

but yea...all in all a fun time was had by all.

I am sorry...and thank you

I don't know...I truly don't know what comes in the future steps taken...but One thing's certain I will heed your words...

             "......You rejected my love...Don't reject my forgiveness..."

thank you...

Some post Christmas Season Nostalgia...

So The alumni of Ardenne Music Club (my alma mater) decided to, in a fit of our usual routine, to sing an old carol from the "good old days" (yes...its 90% of the time a christmas carol that we sing...there was always something about singing carols at Ardenne) Behold our Quintet rendition of "O Come O Come Emanuel" (and because I was Idle, A fanfare that popped outta my head while I was amassing the Pics to make the video.

(^_^') Hope you enjoy, and as usual, Feedback Welcome!

A [not so] Random Excursion...

Today was an awesomely spontaneous day. at home somewhat bored.out.of.my.wits, I got up to answer "the call."

No, it wasn't the call of nature...per se...

Was an invitation to visit a friend's mother on her birthday, to brighten her holidays with company. It seems the trip was what all involved had needed, as a grand time was had by all, picking coconuts, cooking food prepared over an open fire (I LOVE spicy food, and mama Donna did NOT disappoint), splashing around, swimming and exploring the river in the backyard (the district of Deeside, St Catherine, Jamaica).

at the moment I had seen the embrace of mother and son, a pang of jealousy that I've come to be aware of but never able to banish or ignore flared up...and I remember I would never have that moment, that I was a bit of an intruder upon this family, a rare moment the voyeur on the other side of the glass could get up close... and I did my trademark, a smile a joke and a casual sidestep and was about to walk away when....she hugged me as well. bafflingly, she hugged us all, and in the brief embrace I felt a warmth I feel solely from the protective hug of the nurturing women in my life, as well as something more...undefinable but wonderful...*shrug* love of a mother? Guess that's due for more over-analysis as is my wont

 moving on, *awkward chuckle*I discovered I had not completely lost my ability to swim unceasingly in unknown waters, and in the process found the challenge of swimming against current was exhilarating, planting the seed of longing for my once constant trips to the pool. twas a great day all in all, and interestingly I discovered that a lot of my love for water is steeped in a fear and awe of its power. humbled as I waded through the cool stream, feeling the moss and silt and stones caress my soles, I felt an eerie peace...
I missed my other close friends terribly, and I had wanted to share the day with them, but It was not to've been...Maybe/hopefully next time...