Of music and youth..."The Unfinished String Quartet"

When I first discovered that the wild hums and sounds I'd make while doing a chore, walking, or even reading quietly were subconscious forays into the realm of music composition, I was excited to get right into the process of notation...Here was my first attempt at electronic notation. I wrote this in grade 9 in High school, to myself saying I would write one of the shortest string quartets complete with all four movements. using a free version of Noteworthy composer. I'm embarrassed to say all I can find of this is my handwritten score of the first movement and the midis that the unregistered programme allowed me to save in... but every so often I listen and remember the fun early days of reading music theory, and sharing with my friends In Music Club, the hours of reprieve from the usual drama of adolescence...

Peaceful night...

Sitting in the afterglow...
mired in my post happenstance musings
I smile inwardly...
the glow rises from inside me
to make the duchenne* a physical manifest of my pleasure
I enjoyed my quiet evening, and look to the repeat of many to come
the calm that has its own fire
never an ember, and so easily made blazing...
Kyrie, Christe Eleison...
Mercy on my soul
for all my mind creates in the lull...
as I watch you...

(*Duchenne- genuine smile)

random scene...

We spent the day simply enjoying the cool of the river and the warmth of the sun, walked and waded, laughed and chased each other as the sun moved higher then lower in the sky...I sat by you...we reclined by the side of a clear cool spring, speaking of things not yet come, of our fears, of our joys, the sun falling on our tranquil forms, shadows falling on the serpentine water, meandering down and away from us...

"What of the evenings when you go off by yourself? what do you do then?" you gaze at me, face cocked to the side in that adorable why, eyes aloof yet intent. I reach up and put a lock of your hair behind your ear, from the vantage point of your lap I see the lines of life on your beautifully angled face, caressed as it were, by  the hands of time. I close my eyes and delay, allowing my face to slacken as if in absent thought, though we both know what I intend to say; this question is never new to our talks.

            "I go to commune with myself and nature..." I open my eyes and look bemusedly as the lock I moved falls right back to its place. "when alone, I feel lighter, disjoint from all the things that make me feel weary...its sort of like little retreats to recharge the energy supply I drain through interaction."
               "and do I add to the heaviness?" your grin is positively impish, as your hand is rested on my head and my cheek, framing where your sundress has not so I am surrounded by your touch and the heady scent of you...
               "you don't, and you're quite aware you do not, but if I ever take you with me there'd be no stillness my dear." a soft chuckle is stopped in your throat, you look into my eyes, and not for the first time I feel you see way beyond the surface of who I am.
                 "I often wonder if you think of me when you're in that space." you look at my hair, knowing you needn't see my eyes to know that my next words will be true.
                "always, my dear, you are my anchor, and so long as I am moored with you I have bliss." you find my gaze and we share a smile, joy illuminating your face until the sun behind the canopy of branches pales in comparison. we pack our things and leave our secret place, your arm in mine as we always travel, an easy grace bred of affectionate familiarity...

Another one...whoot...-__-

well, As I had promised, here is another installment of "aural assault with Carl"...Sang first two verses of the traditional Negro Folk Song (yep, R.Nathaniel Dett's classification of the melody) Pray On...this time with barely visible commentary! whoot...enjoy, comment and critique...*Antonio Banderas' voice* If you dare...


Respect,
Carl-Anthony

to the...New Year?

As I sat in wait of the approaching new year (despite already acknowledging its arrival as per my religious observance at sunset), I began to reflect on all that was: on the experiences I have had and the knowledge I have gained both of myself as well as of the world around me; on friends and the strength and frailties of human ties as well as how indestructible some bonds are and can be; the importance of being earnest (If you don't know why I chuckled as I wrote that then two words- Oscar.Wilde.); and most importantly, that I am human...VERY much human, I am not able to please everyone, and it seems that whenever I do try I please no one and end up depressing myself...so here come this year's "workable" solutions:
~I love music, everything about it (well....lets disregard that whole "aleatory" thing for a bit, lol), and I will explore further my abilities within it, as well as train myself in areas where I am sorely lacking, It is too much apart of my day and life to be relegated to a "hobby"...
~I love dancing, I cant help it, movement is truly an integral part of my existence, and I am going to fully work at enjoying this avenue of expression
~I can write...well, so I'm told (why anyone considers my rambling good writing is like beyond me, but meh), and I can say despite my opinion, I enjoy the activity and will work more on it over the coming year.

hmm...I may just eventually post more personal ones, who knows?

A [not so] Random Excursion...

Today was an awesomely spontaneous day. at home somewhat bored.out.of.my.wits, I got up to answer "the call."

No, it wasn't the call of nature...per se...

Was an invitation to visit a friend's mother on her birthday, to brighten her holidays with company. It seems the trip was what all involved had needed, as a grand time was had by all, picking coconuts, cooking food prepared over an open fire (I LOVE spicy food, and mama Donna did NOT disappoint), splashing around, swimming and exploring the river in the backyard (the district of Deeside, St Catherine, Jamaica).

at the moment I had seen the embrace of mother and son, a pang of jealousy that I've come to be aware of but never able to banish or ignore flared up...and I remember I would never have that moment, that I was a bit of an intruder upon this family, a rare moment the voyeur on the other side of the glass could get up close... and I did my trademark, a smile a joke and a casual sidestep and was about to walk away when....she hugged me as well. bafflingly, she hugged us all, and in the brief embrace I felt a warmth I feel solely from the protective hug of the nurturing women in my life, as well as something more...undefinable but wonderful...*shrug* love of a mother? Guess that's due for more over-analysis as is my wont

 moving on, *awkward chuckle*I discovered I had not completely lost my ability to swim unceasingly in unknown waters, and in the process found the challenge of swimming against current was exhilarating, planting the seed of longing for my once constant trips to the pool. twas a great day all in all, and interestingly I discovered that a lot of my love for water is steeped in a fear and awe of its power. humbled as I waded through the cool stream, feeling the moss and silt and stones caress my soles, I felt an eerie peace...
I missed my other close friends terribly, and I had wanted to share the day with them, but It was not to've been...Maybe/hopefully next time...

The aftermath...

so...My solo turned ALMOST into a hot mess...a Hot.ghetto.Mess. but I survived...the accompanist kept driving me up a wall, at points redoing bars with mistakes WHILE I'M SINGING...so I had was to just finish the piece with a quickness...I braved out the rest of the first half valiantly, then went backstage during intermission...where I proceeded to cry that I ruined my friend's piece...yup cry...like a bitch... and though I should've foreseen it, I didn't think i'd've been caught by other members of the choir...but there I was, crying when hands came from behind and hugged my shoulders...and I tried to buck up and they still came down -__-...
 But they were cool, despite not even possibly understanding my state of depression at failing. It was a lovely thing, in retrospect at least, because I surely didn't allow myself comfort last night, I just totally retreated into myself, went through second half on determined autopilot, then except for two times when I sang 'Bb' as 'A', and 'D' as 'Bb',  I pulled off my second solo fairly well, was alternating verses with another tenor for Gustav Holst's "Lullay my Liking'.
All in all, I was ecstatic to sing the Hallelujah chorus and put a close to the night's show.
I was complimented on my solos, though I must confess these I disregarded, I think because either they were trying to be nice or trying to cheer me up (ones who caught me). I proceeded then to drink and eat with the choir, after a hard concert's end... and sleep was had and oblivion joyously received