Wake me up Lord...when its over

The spiritual, as arranged by Uzee Brown Jr came to mind as I sat at my desk this morning, fatigued from my weekend of concerts with my dance company.

Yea, sorta like this, but discreetly

"The hurly-burly's done, the battle's lost and won..."and what has been gained?
I don't feel the euphoria I thought I would...I just...don't...
My dance season has just ended, and while the shows were awesomely received, and though the costumes were brilliant, choreography loved, dancers lauded...it felt empty
It felt like I was asking myself "is this it?"
what have I learnt about myself this year that I can take from this season? the lengthy rehearsals, fraught nerves, confrontations? I sat this morning at my desk, unable to pass through the day's to do list without going back to and being stuck on this thought cycle...what have I observed? learned? here's what came to mind

-Life is unfair.
-You are not superhuman, you will be injured. it will hurt. REST
-Your integrity is not an external thing, it is YOU. Honour yourself
-People hurt you. People don't always mean to. let it go
-Meditation is active. Practice
-Noone should be able to make you un-love yourself, your abilities, your art.
-It is hard. But you will always be tougher.
-Do not burn yourself out. People who love your presence and don't miss your absence are people who find you replaceable. be prepared for removal at any point
-Never fear loving something, someone, somewhere...be un-ironically Enthusiastic; Love DEEPLY
-Celebrate successes, defeats are easy to sink beneath.
-Loving someone does not excuse their humanity, be understanding

I live. I laugh. I love...and I share

The Sharing and Navigating of our "Personal Darknesses"

Today's emotion cannot be processed, user is tired and quite annoyed with the world at the moment, but will explore their feelings...Eventually

       A friend of mine was sharing some difficulty they faced going through a bad breakup...the hardest part for them was not simply that they weren't over the person...it was the spaces that they shared with them...he referred to his personal space as his darkness...heartbroken, he says he now has no peace because he made "my" (his) darkness "our" (their) darkness...and it got me thinking (of course, AFTER we talked and he was comforted while we ate and laughed) of personal space and our own each of us "Darkness", the forms they take and the effect they have on us...as well as the gravity of what happens when we share these things.
     I can relate and I am sure we all can, with the reality of each of us having personal "darkness", whether it take the form of a place, activity, object or an amalgam or several of the former; it is this "thing/group of things" which "centres" us, makes us able to survive the world, to face the madness around us with relative calm and bravery. For me the primary one of my seemingly numerous is the solace of reading alone at home, for you doubtless it will be otherwise. I now imagine how much it takes many of us to share this personal space with someone...here I do not mean "tell" someone about it, though it my take that form as well...but to have them engage in it with you or even be present while you enact this process (be it so) . this is tantamount to letting them have an unfettered view of your essence, often see directly into your soul (hmm, feels like over-romanticism? maybe, maybe not), and this delicate moment is one that can make you or infinitely break you (and to the rare few, it will not phase you, and in that instance, was it really ever that important to you?)...now imagine that person/those persons disregarding the gravity of being "let in" or even worse know the importance and ignore it in a fit of neglect, anger, antipathy or just.plain.stupid.? if you're like me or my friend, your response is unease or despair, a gloominess or heaviness fills you at the thought of the activity/thing now, often so much so that it makes you avoid it altogether. others however, lash out, they make the person (or often everyone-the rest of the world) pay for this crime, this invasion and infringement...I warn us all to not take the communion of  private worlds lightly; yes we are human and there will be times we "mess up" but we should as much as possible be vigilant, because we never know when in our moments of humanity we may damage a soul beyond recognition and often beyond repair